Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize