theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
