found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
