Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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