I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
