Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize