he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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