dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
