Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
