Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
A+ Viking dick
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
