Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize