Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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