...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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