I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Even my vagina gasped.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
