Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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