Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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