while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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