just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
