Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize