I think I died a long time ago.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
