I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
