shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
