Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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