Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
