Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Someone signed my nipple.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
