i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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