I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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