Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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