I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
