Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
