after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
