His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize