I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
