im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
