News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
