I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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