No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
