Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
