i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
