i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
