***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
