this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Randomize
