i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize