Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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