It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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