Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
