i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
