I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
