The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
