Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize