dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize