TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
