I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you will always have a special place in my vag
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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