It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
