When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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