i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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