I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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