you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
