Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
