so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
