does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
