i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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