ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
