Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
