I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
