I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
