I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
