Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
