I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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