I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize