you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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