Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
