They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
