I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
