idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize