I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
